This makes a difference to us in one significant way: it calls into question the validity of “experts” who tell you how to invest your money, what to do to protect your health, or how to be happy when you follow their five easy steps. The real answer is there is no simple answer. One size does not fit all. Saying it is so doesn’t make it so. To build a satisfying retirement, you will ultimately be responsible for the decisions. You can’t out-source your retirement and expect it to be a happy one.
That doesn’t mean there isn’t much to be learned from someone who has gathered experience along the way. After all, that is pretty much what this blog is all about: almost 15 years of retirement has taught me some things I’d like to share. But, it is important to understand that your life, your experiences, and your desires, are yours. Gather all in the input you can. Listen to what others say. Read extensively. Then make up your own plan. Take the road that is best for you.
The vast majority of us have no idea why we make the choices we do. No one really knew why they preferred a particular radio station over another that played the same music. They couldn’t even remember which stations they listened to over a typical week. Something in the subconscious made one choice preferable over another, but verbalizing the reasons was often impossible.
For us, knowing that we operate on automatic pilot is important information. It is very easy to do something the same way without actually understanding why. It is challenging to break a bad habit for the same reason. You must recognize you live a certain way, not necessarily from a mindful choice, but from a lifetime of habit. When you understand that basic fact, it becomes easier to begin to change what you do.
Experience is a good teacher. Over time we learn some of the things that are best for us. The problem is we don’t always follow those lessons, and we don’t know why. That is OK. You will make mistakes. You will make choices that, when looking back, amaze you at their stupidity. All that proves is you are human. Accept that motivations are sometimes going to be unknown.
Peer pressure affects everyone, not just kids. Advertising depends on peer pressure. “Keeping up with the Jones” motivates a lot of people to aspire to a lifestyle they can’t afford and may not even like. In radio, listeners want to report they listen to the most popular or “hottest” station in town, even if they don’t. There is pressure to be part of the majority.
Maybe you believe you must spend part of each year on a cruise ship or biking through Europe. Maybe the people you aspire to copy own a luxurious RV or a vacation home in Aspen. You drive a giant SUV even though you and your spouse rarely leave town. Others in your social circle drive one, so it must be the right choice. Your house has three flat-screen TVs that you rarely turn on.
It is quite possible that your life has been shaped by peer pressure and not by what you really want. There is nothing wrong with any of the things listed above as long as you truly want them, use them, and can afford them. It is when you possess something to be like others that you can encounter serious problems.
Familiar always beats unfamiliar. This simple fact makes developing a new product, or in my case, creating a new radio station so difficult. No matter how often people claim to want new and different, it simply isn’t true. Safe and familiar almost always trumps new and untested. Part of this is peer pressure, part of this is fear of the unknown, and part of this is laziness. We know what we get from product A. It may not be perfect, but who knows what product B will be like. Why take the risk?
This is a major stumbling block to a satisfying retirement. Rather than try a new lifestyle, a new hobby, a trip to a foreign country, a new friendship, or even a new way to manage our time, human nature will attempt to revert to the familiar. We are programmed to default to the known. We hate uncertainty, which is odd when you realize life is constant uncertainty.
Your creativity, happiness, and entire retirement experience can depend on understanding this core fact of life and rejecting it. Something familiar isn’t better unless it is. Living life fully is knowing what you don’t know and finding out if that is a mistake.